Saturday, December 25, 2010

The Stronghold

The Sun took its chance to blaze, when the wind overtook the pace of motionless clouds, as it wants to be even with the deep blue sky. The lonely railway tracks were the only companion the Ocean could have at this very moment, than all the blurred figures of lovers who were busy in their own worlds with their own passion. Though it was not heavenly the sound of crows broke the silence, as if to say that this world can’t ever be secluded from the rest.

Then there was she, a proven norm of feminism with a face full of sorrow, cheeks full of tears and a heart full of indecision. As she tried hard to avoid the gazes and frowns of the strangers who passed her by, it just made them more inquisitive. The pleasant look on her dress and the designer made hand bag was the only thing that differentiated her from a heartbroken prostitute. As she was looking at the endless ocean, she saw this detached calmness in each and every tide, and she wondered whether it’s the same sea that she has witnessed from the glass panel of her office. For a second she thought the horizon is miles away which she can run and hide herself within. The sudden roar of the train which passed behind her in a fraction of a second scattered the gloom which was building inside. She hasn’t felt the vibe this close, but it was closer to the brutal torture she was going through in everyday’s life.
She didn’t have strength even to stop her hair being played by this clumsy wind, so she let herself to be a mess. “What else more to be messed, when I’m a mess itself?” and the thoughts were echoing. She touched her right arm smoothly from top to bottom, not for the pleasure of course but to feel whether she is not dreaming. How anyone could picture this woman, in everyday’s life that can’t lift her eyelids to see this world as she’s scared of showing her tears? For the surprise that picture had her name written all over. When yesterday was a chaos, how can today be any better? She was recalling the moments from the past and they weren’t merrier than the present she’s living. The tender filled memories are what were missing in a broken heart. When the time passed her by and as the responsibilities grew, she became lost in her own dimensions. Now she has had enough being the stronghold of everything.

She is a victim of domestic violence; she is a victim of an emotional undertone and the list goes on and on. Her fringe is not lengthy enough to hide the scars now, hence she can grow her hair bit longer but that’s nowhere near a solution. The scattered heart is breathless after being hopeless for so many chaotic years. She was on the search of peace, when she had enough of seeking happiness and this is the last stand as she felt. She can’t take this for any longer her heart said. As she was sinking in the calmness of the deep blue sea the world was changing. For a second she lifted her chin and gazed at the world next to her and noticed that she’s not the centre of attention any more.

The barks of the stray dogs which were fighting over a dump took the attention of her conscious and she was lost in the sight. Fierce look on each of the dogs face were similar, so as the tails which were stuck between legs. The ‘survival of the strongest’ is not framed to the wild any more, as it shows clearly from the regular life of an ordinary being. She felt herself as a bitch who’s trying to protect her dignity, rights and the life from the cowardly hands of alcoholism and doubts of havoc. What if she stood against, not to knock herself back down again, but to raise her voice against the reason? Could be it is what was missing, or could be there’s something more. To her left was a couple walking on tracks, with a distance in between. Their hands weren’t tangled or they weren’t on the arms of each other, but the dying sun injected a dose of pale affection. The man was looking at the endless ocean as to find new horizons and the girls’ face was hidden under her palms as she can’t be satisfied by the endeavours of her lover anymore. She looked at him and said “So this is it” with a firm stare on her face. He was silent. His face said that he is wordless for a reason. Even the seconds paced slower than they used to, and she turned back and started walking away from him. He looked at her as she was fading away, with his dry numb eyes.

Any end is not the same as it has started; she drew some odd figures on the sand as she was looking at the guy who seemed so broken than the girl who was walking away. Some decisions have to make someday soon, the thoughts were pounding against the walls of her heart as she dreamt the moments of the judgement over the divorce. Yes, a Divorce. It’s worth millions than these tears, she felt. Though the thought was frustrating, it was not that painful as recalling the faces of her children who were disturbed by this continuous violence. A peaceful future for them, though her present was gone.

She untied the knot and took a bottle out the small paper bag that she was keeping from sometime. She gazed at it for few more seconds and threw it over the tracks. She stood still while thinking “there’s a lot more to live for than quitting this fight, everyday is a new day and its worth living”