The Stronghold

The Sun took its chance to blaze, when the wind overtook the pace of motionless clouds, as it wants to be even with the deep blue sky. The lonely railway tracks were the only companion the Ocean could have at this very moment, than all the blurred figures of lovers who were busy in their own worlds with their own passion. Though it was not heavenly the sound of crows broke the silence, as if to say that this world can’t ever be secluded from the rest.

Then there was she, a proven norm of feminism with a face full of sorrow, cheeks full of tears and a heart full of indecision. As she tried hard to avoid the gazes and frowns of the strangers who passed her by, it just made them more inquisitive. The pleasant look on her dress and the designer made hand bag was the only thing that differentiated her from a heartbroken prostitute. As she was looking at the endless ocean, she saw this detached calmness in each and every tide, and she wondered whether it’s the same sea that she has witnessed from the glass panel of her office. For a second she thought the horizon is miles away which she can run and hide herself within. The sudden roar of the train which passed behind her in a fraction of a second scattered the gloom which was building inside. She hasn’t felt the vibe this close, but it was closer to the brutal torture she was going through in everyday’s life.
She didn’t have strength even to stop her hair being played by this clumsy wind, so she let herself to be a mess. “What else more to be messed, when I’m a mess itself?” and the thoughts were echoing. She touched her right arm smoothly from top to bottom, not for the pleasure of course but to feel whether she is not dreaming. How anyone could picture this woman, in everyday’s life that can’t lift her eyelids to see this world as she’s scared of showing her tears? For the surprise that picture had her name written all over. When yesterday was a chaos, how can today be any better? She was recalling the moments from the past and they weren’t merrier than the present she’s living. The tender filled memories are what were missing in a broken heart. When the time passed her by and as the responsibilities grew, she became lost in her own dimensions. Now she has had enough being the stronghold of everything.

She is a victim of domestic violence; she is a victim of an emotional undertone and the list goes on and on. Her fringe is not lengthy enough to hide the scars now, hence she can grow her hair bit longer but that’s nowhere near a solution. The scattered heart is breathless after being hopeless for so many chaotic years. She was on the search of peace, when she had enough of seeking happiness and this is the last stand as she felt. She can’t take this for any longer her heart said. As she was sinking in the calmness of the deep blue sea the world was changing. For a second she lifted her chin and gazed at the world next to her and noticed that she’s not the centre of attention any more.

The barks of the stray dogs which were fighting over a dump took the attention of her conscious and she was lost in the sight. Fierce look on each of the dogs face were similar, so as the tails which were stuck between legs. The ‘survival of the strongest’ is not framed to the wild any more, as it shows clearly from the regular life of an ordinary being. She felt herself as a bitch who’s trying to protect her dignity, rights and the life from the cowardly hands of alcoholism and doubts of havoc. What if she stood against, not to knock herself back down again, but to raise her voice against the reason? Could be it is what was missing, or could be there’s something more. To her left was a couple walking on tracks, with a distance in between. Their hands weren’t tangled or they weren’t on the arms of each other, but the dying sun injected a dose of pale affection. The man was looking at the endless ocean as to find new horizons and the girls’ face was hidden under her palms as she can’t be satisfied by the endeavours of her lover anymore. She looked at him and said “So this is it” with a firm stare on her face. He was silent. His face said that he is wordless for a reason. Even the seconds paced slower than they used to, and she turned back and started walking away from him. He looked at her as she was fading away, with his dry numb eyes.

Any end is not the same as it has started; she drew some odd figures on the sand as she was looking at the guy who seemed so broken than the girl who was walking away. Some decisions have to make someday soon, the thoughts were pounding against the walls of her heart as she dreamt the moments of the judgement over the divorce. Yes, a Divorce. It’s worth millions than these tears, she felt. Though the thought was frustrating, it was not that painful as recalling the faces of her children who were disturbed by this continuous violence. A peaceful future for them, though her present was gone.

She untied the knot and took a bottle out the small paper bag that she was keeping from sometime. She gazed at it for few more seconds and threw it over the tracks. She stood still while thinking “there’s a lot more to live for than quitting this fight, everyday is a new day and its worth living”

A fallen hero....

~A short story by Dilan Dhananjaya Samathilake~

The golden rays of the sun, so as they purified the plain gloom in everyday’s dawn, were invading the darkness inside his old smoggy room by a step at a time. It was bit too early to embrace the glamour of the green, the sparkle of the sky or even the sounds of the earth; since the silence of pale white mist was standing against. He wiped the cob webs off the window above his shoulder which was built overnight, as he rested his arms on the dust filled window ledger. It was remarkable to notice, how these annoying creatures create intricacy inside an unique craft of art. Yes, It sounded ‘life’ to his ears and the visionary oversight.

He drank the last few drops of water that was left in his mug after gaggling. A firm grip over the clutches gave him the confidence to battle another day, to walk another crooked mile and to stand straight on this rope of sorrow. He wondered why ‘Kanthie’ gets late to take him to his daily shower at seven. Could be that she’s busy packing breakfast for kids, as ‘Ruwan’ the eldest sleeps till late almost every day, such a rebel he is.

Though it exists, the pride gained through the ultimate victory over the wasted 3 decades of blood stained war that had being happening, the sacrifices were made now have forgotten by the majority of this so called public. The memories of the fallen hero’s will remain unknown on those mountain high war memorials and in their loved ones hearts only. His dreams, hopes along with the future were scattered on the day that he became a victim of a deadly claymore attack in elephant pass, by putting an end to the great service he offered as a private. He was that fortunate to live to see the light of the sun of another day at least with an eye. Though the scars on the face, wounds on the upper limb what was left and the lost index figure of the right hand healed, the scars of the mind remained the same. The desperation was all over the place, even on those million odd cigarette butts that were lying down in the ash tray. Then another cigarette started to burn.

The pictures in his head were linked together; the whispers of tears were what was missing. Every picture said a story, literally they anxiously screamed. He struggled in his memories to find a day where he smiled for real, hoped for the best or at least a day that he made his beloved wife satisfied. The giggles, pleasure, lust and sex were long gone, he was not that strong to trace back at those with its own risk. He has witnessed through pass 3 years how ‘Kanthie’became the ultimate woman, out of her chrysalis of her own childishness, immaturity and dependency. Even she took the motherhood by surprise, and now he couldn't believe how she handles being the ultimate father and mother at the same time. The sexual pleasure is what she has given up already, or at least his conscious doesn’t want to believe that she’s cheating on him.The compassion has become a trauma and the remedy is unknown. It’s not the same, the way his 7 year old used to smile with him. There’s disgust buried in her gestures as he has noticed. could be the scars on the limp made him a villain whom she has seen in those Cinderella stories,just evenly evil and ugly. Not that he is strong to avoid tears but as Kanthie said shes way too small to understand the reality and the sacrifices made for an entire nations’ tomorrow.

As he was looking at the morning sun he wondered about the lives which sleep peacefully at night, the relaxed minds of the people who ran from errands due to the prank calls even about fake bomb blasts and the happiness of the people who have mourned for their lost. After all, his sacrifice made that all happen, though he was left as a disabled, or as a differently able. He butt his half burnt cigarette on the tray and took the book on the chest of drawers to the hand, and started reading it. As chapters change so as the life, he felt.

the reason is what hurts the most....

Leave this pain aside, besides it’s now over

And now it’s over, yes its over

And the days have blown away above these boarders

Beneath this boredom, pain gets closer

Once there was a time that I’d battle this ocean

Coz you were the reason that once made me stronger

That made me stronger...

But now that reason is what hurts the most

the reason is what hurts the most....

What I’m seeing is, this empty seat beside me

but the feeling gets harder than the war

What now I believe is what’s left from (the) disaster

and that reason is what hurts the most....

(chorus)

There are two sides for every story

But always there’s a side left untold

There’s an end for every journey

but some break at its own dawn

and there are two sides for every story

but my side is yet untold

but my side is yet untold...

For all what we were, on those days full of laughter

These wounds stand it’s pride till you’re gone

Some questions stay with, no certain answers

but the reason is what hurts the most...

but now that reason is what hurts the most

that reason is what hurts the most....

There are two sides for every story

but always there’s a side left untold

There’s an end for every journey

but some break at its own dawn

And there are two sides for every story

but my side is yet untold ..

but my side is yet untold....

- Dilan 'DaDevil' Samathilake

you are my dawning new age....

Life was.....

That tenderness now lost and gone
No Caring hearts in unknown zones
Melting words in frozen dawns
Can’t recall them coz it’s far too long…

My pain, my sorrow, my tearless groans
Can they feel it, my deceitful moans?
Dramatic preface, to a lost tale of fall
Just another clown in a hopeless show…

Face full of smiles, that’s what they see
Happiness of vague, faked rainbow dream
Bloodshed eyes, with tears about to flee
Pain above fears, please set me free

The words I share, all my time No spare
The tender and care, won’t return unfair
Just a frown or stare, if goes wrong just rare
It’s still unfair, my pain!! You dare!!

now...

Only just an angel, from farthest north
Hail upon heaven, to protect this soul
How deep this dawn, hey love, do you know??
You are the only one who can stop this fall

Beyond your sweetness...

Forbidden indeed, you are
Than the gust that blows
Above forsaken lands.....
But to tell you
It’s Not beyond that
Sweetness you stand...

Incessant love, it belongs to hearts
Which deserve that absolute compassion
The desire to be free under these rainbow dreams
The hearts which meant to be till eternity
To tell you
You, my lost piece of a life full of adversity
Which now the fountain of happiness, No odds
But just a simple, new ascending solace
Yes I know, thee Love ceaseless
Will look in to you, when the time stops
For a moment, and till its long gone
I will never take mine off from yours
Will huddle in your heart, both hands wide open
Will held you still like wind in the deepest night
Till the memories of the tear dies
Till wind blows past all my skies
Cos I love you..
..and ....
Forbidden indeed, you are
Than the gust that blows
Above forsaken lands.....
But to tell you
It’s Not beyond that
Sweetness you stand...

Tell me just why, oh pretty thing........

Tell me just why, oh pretty thing
This difference of today from tomorrow
Tell me just why, oh pretty thing
This distance of yesterday from sorrow

Darkness on my way, these stars kept on falling
Scars on my fate, my past I was leaving
For days in this pain, all my time I was dwelling
Can’t I just say - Once loved a tear for healing….??

Crawled down in this closet, a new corner then found
No devotions or motions on those walls or grounds
Not a heaven indeed, un-smoothed edge unbound
Can’t I just say - Once loved a knock, for its sound….??

To fade away to a sunset, when winds stand against
Desires to demise, in depths of blue sway
Was lost in this mist, for once in million days
Once loved this mirage, not knowing it’s fake

You my smiles, so why praise tears for more
You my heaven, till I breath no more
You the truth I’m living, why doubts of dawns
This love it’s my soul, please don’t ask for more

Tell me just why, oh pretty thing
Difference of today from tomorrow
Tell me just why, oh pretty thing
Distance of yesterday from sorrow

The betrayed devotion

Just drain my blood, from feeble veins
Erase these stories, and now these stains
The vibes I’ve lost, the notions gained
Strip my skin, for that love I’ve laid …….

Difference, I know it’s different, indeed
Don’t stab my present, my scars of screams
You just nobody, not somebody at least
Hatred, an option, but don’t make me see

One thing in life, I will regret for ages
For fallen in love, and its all mistaken
Shame on tears, then smiles were taken
Don’t bold it now, the betrayed devotion

I should cut my hands, for the help I gave
I should rip my heart, for the love I’ve laid
I should slay my moments, for the stolen days
I ditched my vessel, years back on waves

Why No Homo...

This line so slim, betwixt right and wrong
Love has shapes, being Sapphic is a form
Truth lies beneath, but the change unknown
A woman on a woman, not a start of a storm

If obedience for cure; can sin causes shame?
If marriage is love, does it matter being same?
If you see some light, when you’ve lost in shades
Will you ever stand, just by letting it fade?

Life and desire, on this ground which is cursed
Vibes now relevant, is this lust your thirst?
Picture the love. not sex; why being gay so worse
Don’t stab your own, coz no pain to burst

This blood on veins, and this flesh I stand
For the right no wrong, till this life expands
No my battles, this for you to understand
Why no homo, when see the truth, on hands.

[ Will this ever be revealed?
Or will be hidden till deceased…
If it’s your own, what do you feel?
About being same, and discrete ]

My beautiful relief..

Picture this perfect, but I’m still on the sketch
These tears may color, only dream that left
To rest on her lap, till all seconds may melt
Those tears I drew; please let me confess

My clock seems long, ticks below even slow
It’s hard just to wait, even the pulse grows small
When thee on arms, even just before my dawns
Just one more minute, that’s only what I want

On a day sky falls, on a day sun would sink
On a day moon dies then the stars may blink
Will take you to hands, and keep close to my heart
Then this hail won’t fall, coz this love my start

Please, just let these tears keep on falling
Here now, it’s just a beautiful relief
Heavy heart, from this distanced love
With this wish of flying beyond seas.................

The Comment

Night is still young, haunting indeed
Whispers of silence, you sure?? not screams?
Mind as the wind, revolving for needs
Let me tell you this, dawn regains it’s deeds
Insane you called me, insane I am
Devil!! no angel, under the sky of cyan
Intentions just pure, No tensions of ramp
Just messed it little bit, coz that’s what I am…
Songs of the rain, Hues of the vain
A kiss under the drizzle, that’s what it’d say
Secrets of the wind, the fears I have laid
World is not colored, yet it is a stain
Simple this life, complex you make
Unless it made, the phantom of fake
Boredom or solace, either it’s lame
YET haven’t cried, the Lords name in vain
“Though the whispers, may be from the heaven
Or deceptive blast from the hell”
Does it really matter, or is it just the same
Riddle what I call, life; face it though insane
Never meant to break, the softness of your gaze
Thy No stranger and never will be
Place you belong?? its just for me
Insane you call me, apology no need
Coz that’s what they call me
I’m Sorry It’s ME ee

Appachchi..

Underneath those tearless eyes-
-was a sensitive heart in hidden
Way beyond that senseless gaze
The love you’d carried, why still forbidden?
Even you tried not to show
The sleepless nights stood awake
Till I’ve dreamt my dream
thee never looked down on my faith
Even you tried best to hide
The doubts in your veins
All countless tears you’ve shed
Just to draw smiles on this face
Even you tried best to stand
My words, dropped against
Saw that wetness on eyes
Then it was hard to sustain
Still this darkness in dawns
This haze on my dusk
It’s being years since it’s gone
My light, beyond the gust

Underneath those tearless eyes-
-was a sensitive heart in hidden
Way beyond that senseless gaze
The love you’d carried, why still forbidden?

When the words are not enough

Wish I knew a way to close my eyes
To end these sleepless nights
Just to dream her by my side…..
Just to hold her arms till light…

Wish I knew a way to fake these vibes
When this thunder struck my mind
Just to feel this love inside
Ohh I feel her love inside…..

May be its too late
These tears now falling down
Never meant to leave this part of town
Never meant to leave this love I’ve found
May be someday
When you chase these broken doubts
I’m gonna make my stand on ground
Never meant to leave this love I’ve found
Never gonna leave that love I’ve found

One day it’ll be the end of fallen skies
And the rain will soak these lies
So shall we keep all these pain behind?
To walk this distance across these tides

Wish I knew a way to close my eyes
Just to dream her by my side…..
Wish I knew a way to fake these vibes
Just to feel that love inside

May be its too late
These tears now falling down
Never meant to leave this part of town
Never meant to leave this love I’ve found
May be someday
When you can chase these broken doubts
I’m gonna make my stand on ground
Never meant to leave this love I’ve found
Never gonna leave that love I’ve found

when all the angels were descending.

When the time is rough the tide goes high
Breaking down what is unbreakable
Now the wind is wild, will take those smiles
What has left, now is unbearable
This pain sustains, no matter what you say
How can this love be replaceable?
Your arms on mine, you were the dance at night
Tell me is this the sweetest betrayal?

This is not another sad good bye………
Till another day goes by……
I gave wings so the wishes fly high…
Just witness that love, it’s mine…
And tell me why angels cry….
And tell me why angels cry….


While all the angels were descending
Tell me how grey this sky can be…
When starless dawns were amending
How dark all my days gonna be…
These smiles on my face, im pretending
Let me die with these dreams I see….
On a night, this distance was ascending
You’ve gone beyond all blue seas…

When the firelies glow......(someday)

Even someday, All these stars may fall
Just this darkness, till it grows long
Even someday, we may soak in storms
They will wash us over, to drown these mourns
And someday, when this space has gone
It's you and me; and let this world be alone
One day, when these miles grow short
Shall we color this canvas, with dazzling strokes?

Huddle in my heart, settle down in my dawns
Even for a day, now let me be your soul
Laze on my arms, wait till this all gone
Let me be the one, to catch you when you fall

Now we’ll stay, till the sadness all gone
To hunt this distance, as we walk along
Even someday, Can I be that light of yours
Though how hard, these shadows may grow
Now let’s say, it’s just a matter of dawns
I will kiss your lips, when the fireflies glow
and One day, When the wind blows strong
I will spread my wings to fly back home

Death is the cast

This is the valley of death,
and the angels cry
These vultures roam,
and the butterflies die
It’s the doomsday eve,
let the promises guide
Pierce my dreams,
when the hope holds light
took this blade with a promise
and this armor with a doubt
to spear through stars
when the sky falls down
let me battle off my grounds
when the death mourns loud
or let the light in my gaze
fade away with my sound
when the rains of arrows
drop down on me
this scream of sparrows
made the miseries sleep
was blessed by a hallow
now this pain skin deep
Wish I could be just a shadow
till this sun set in sea

I was shot dead on a Friday eve

Let me break down, and let me die
Let me face up, these fabled signs
As I was born, on that Sunday night
Smiles were gone, when its ten past nine

Surrender my self, to the norms of lord
Stand straight still, when the miseries hold
Looked for a Monday when the silver is gold
This bliss is a tender, when the sky on fall

Not another long way, just only on Tuesdays
Easy on hard stains, carved on blood veins
Life on the right lane, will it be the right game..?
Trust is a hard play; when the world acts fake

A dawn on a Wednesday, not a gloomy dusk
A storm on a doomsday, not the heavens dust
Staying under hurricane, doesn’t show the guts
Sailing on the high wave, and its not a must

I’ve felt old, on a Thursday noon
Glass of Whisky, bright as moon
Pain still ponder, flies on wounds
Happiness wonder, but there’s no room

Shut my curtains, can’t bear this screech
Leave some light, on my last day speech
Was shot dead on head, before Friday’s eve
Erase my moments, am the echo of grieve

Third world democracy (an insight to Sri Lankan politics)

This art of law, beneath politic flows
Supreme-power , on this state of lorn
An idle norm, it’s a worthless vote
This hideous joke, a democrat’s call
People stuck by this state of life
Another teaser but you feel 'Right'
All these dreams, all these colors
The vows they make,just unseen strikes
Jobless lads on hunger strikes
Floating rupee, in days it’ll dive
Tears of mass in everdays life
these just words, not a lasting light
If you can do it better than them
If they can do it better than him
Why does it feel like a hopeless dent?
With dominant rulers and a country for rent
two more dramas, a film is a plus
for public service, now fame is a must
A prank of a clown, and this wounded trust
Whom are you kidding, this pain or the guts?
Years of hatret and a history of blood
Now its done, but the glory is blunt
Souls of soldiers will haunt your lungs
Victory is ours and it belongs to none
Absurd speeches, fractured dreams
Swaps through sides and pointless deeds
Money now matters, when duty on leave
Save my country before it bleeds

There is a place where the side-walk ends..

Here I stand before the sidewalk ends
Coz I’m lost when the street begins
The steps we took on the days we spent
It gets harder, even the smiles we held

Pale white light and the street light post
The cloudless sky and the long lost roads
The art we saw, in those homeless dogs
It gets longer, even the lonesome walk

I will walk with you, beneath the sidewalk route
I will stand by you, when it’s the twilight doom
Though the absence makes this ruthless gloom
Will take your hand, before the sun leaves blooms

The soul of an art...

We paint this moon with smooth silk blue
and the stars with yellow and green
when the sun fades out to a frozen gloom
its a rainbow dream we see

the last snap took of this autumns breeze
before the clock struck twelve past nine
the little blurred hope on the fish-eye lens
still hanging on a broken line

the coffee stained script behind the piles of reels
and the frames on a fallen slide
now we stand each night, for the actions’ feed
coz this hope won't fade from sight

when the perfect fifth has gone from the chord
shall we strum this life to the pain?
When the dream is a song with few lines short
Shall we rhyme these smiles to a pace?

The beaten heart and the bleeding soul

Where are you my little one?
In this dark wicked wilderness
How are you my cute one?
Under these skies of senseless
Wonder why, sometimes I
wonder why it's not any time soon
wonder, am I chosen or an illusion?
about the pain beneath these burdens
and to be earnest, is it forbidden?
No wonder its distance, oh this distance..

I scream and scream, my griefs
my pain and tears, extremes
this feast of rhymes explain
My ways of days in dreams
Oh crystal eyes, where's my light
to reflect back, on those smiles
I will sway on strides, until its time
to make you mine till the end of life..

The Rainbow Flight

I’m standing on the trail next to platform six
With all these dreams and this walking stick
This grey stained board on the old brick wall
Says its heaven but now I am leaving this

I’m walking on this lane next to diamond creek
With all my hopes and these poppy flower seeds
Behind the broken fence, there’s an unknown road
Says its heaven but now I am leaving this

There’s a new world out there, and a brand new sky
Now it’s a brand new day, and it’s a brand new smile
Just across these lands, there’s a rainbow flight
Let me take you there, when its five passed nine

-and it’s a brand new day with a dazzling light
This is the brand new way of a standard life

There’s a new world out there, and a brand new sky
It’s a brand new day, and it’s a brand new life
Just across these lands, there’s a rainbow flight
Let me take you there, when its five passed nine
Yes I will take you there, through charming rhymes

I wish more than I can tell you...........

I miss this winter’s night and how we looked at those stars
I miss this autumn’s breeze and how we leaned on the grass
And I was lost in infatuation as I held you in these arms
Now I’ve started believing this love’s meant to last
Coz I’ve being waiting, still waiting to cuddle in your heart

Because I see more than you know
And know more than I can tell you
Because I feel more than they know
And I wish more than I can tell you

I miss the summer’s rain and how we got wet under clouds
I miss this spring’s song and the way it was sung by gods
And I was lost in infatuation as I stood under storms
Now I’ve started believing because its being so long
Coz I’ve being waiting, still waiting to hide under your soul

Because I see more than you know
And know more than I can tell you
Because I feel more than they know
And I wish more than I can tell you

The Difference

Here she stands, on the lines of social orders
As to break the norms of known dimensions
On the grounds of customs, as they stay awake
Perplex they make the survival, thus difficult
They call it 'difference', when stand against-
the majority; she was hindered by the standards
Yet conveyed by the facts of ordinary
Hence called “exception”, but still a paradox..
She represents the days before evolution
Where it was nor sexist neither prejudice
Where the sex defined the existence and only
Where the wealth stood the test of its time
Besides the difference, it was a common ground
Now had being deserted through the long lost decades
Thus caged by the world’s perception
yet difficult to differentiate....